4040/2

Forty forty is a club in Nairobi’s westlands area that I enjoy visiting though not frequently. I always get charmed anytime I visit it and one thing that crossed my mind when the year turned, was that tittle there.

How about some goals even if they may not be achieved.This is a new year and my only strategy in life is that am not getting any younger and I can not afford idleness any more, it’s damn expensive to host the devil in my perturbed mind at this time in life.

People my age will delineate most of the symptoms for unstable mental health, depression and anxiety disorders.I just learned before the new year that consistent serach/endulgence in activities that are deemed as “HAPPY” is a major sign of depression. I tend to agree since daily drinking in the days I was growing up was some kind of ‘having made it’ for our fathers. I always saw my dad every weekday at around 5.30 pm before he would leave the house again after treating us to chips and other bribing goodies. By then I did not know how it was like being with the boys(May be men)untill when I adopted an almost similar lifestyle last year. My only difference from Daddy was that I liked hosting my boys at home and getting it done near my bed.over time I have realised that lonliness was so much built in me that I would miss home as the office is for work to run home early for a few drinks with friends who hardly added any value to me. In business I would call such engagements drawings since they brought back nothing other than time together.

So I still felt the void in me even with the thought of happiness after sipping gin and other spirit every evening and subscribing to “it is always a 420 somewhere” and anytime we would light it up. My pursuit for happiness was only building my anxiety and also emotional imbalance as the only time I was reasonable was when I passed out high and in the morning when I had all the reasons to hate my job. So after over five months of being disturbed and hiding in non helpful activities I decided to strike some focus from self evaluation and elevation. I decided to read more on mental health and depression among millenials. I got some good finding that I may want to share.(They are not standard findings but my drawn opinions from different sources not quoted)

1. You can never find happiness in crowds if you can not have it when alone. You fist have to be self content before seeing it in other people. Be it love it first has to come from within. Jesus in the Gospel tells us to love our neighbors like we love ourselves. I think he says this since he is aware that love first has to build inside before it can show outside.And as Tarrus Riley says in his song who’s responsible, …you should look inside.
2. You are you first before you are defiend by other people. We all respond differently to our environments. Even in health and science pollen does not give allergies to all and even those who react with pollen, the reaction is usually different.Bob Marley said that you can’t run away from yourself and it is true. You’re the first respondent to your isues. the crowds can only make you feel included but will never heal you.
3. Please do not be idle even in your lowest moments as you can still pray or meditate.Keeping your mind active and involved is priceless. There is no better way to self fullfillment than mental engagement. When your mind is engaged and in the right way, your whole body grows and funtions well. Meditation alone can cure pain. Yogis can endure pain more than a normal man and if we all remember Đức on fire, then we can already know how much a focused mind can deal with without being disrupted.
4. Money is just but another number that if infinite, you can never have enough or less. That Donald Trump like bank account balance could be all figured out. Money is ment to flow and it is the responsibility of central reserves to have enough to run the economy. To be petty, I will tell you that money doesn’t buy oxygen for a walking man. be thankful for life and believe in another day and may be a day at a time.You should not die worrying for money. If you remain productive you will have enough to keep you going.
5. Have real friends and a family.Have people who can not let you down. Those who call you when you are at your worst and still tell you that you’re the best at something. Those who give you positive criticism and do not compete with you but walk with you in your journey.

After learning those five points above, I agreed with myself to have some goals to see how far I can progress. These to me were realistic challenges to change a few things that seemed habits for a long time. The dragging ones that had pulled me down or looked negative became my priority to address and better is to move forward at peace.

So I said that:

1. I will not stop drinking but will challenge myself to better drinks. Not drinks I can afford everyday.
2. I will not host people at home again in the house, if we have to meet for an evening’s drink let’s do it at the bar.
3. No narcotics, coffee and tea will just do me enough stimulation for the evening or any 420s
4. I have to get back to the gym to reduce that idle time in my life. It has really put my productivity into question.
5. And since I hate working on Saturday, I will go to work to learn from other writers and also do a piece. This should be at least twice every month.
6. Even if money is just but an indefinite number, I will ensure to close the year with a net zero balance, that is, no debts on the least.

I also will be working on more time with myself and possibly help millenials beat depression. I had wanting anxiety attacks last year that I would not wish for anyone. Importantly DON’T RUSH ANYTHING.

May you all enjoy your new year and the decade.